Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
