I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
