remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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