that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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