Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
