I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
