it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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