im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
