I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
