We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
