we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
