She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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