she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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