When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
