i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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