try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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