Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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