Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
