I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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