I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize