i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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