I just made out with a guy for $7.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
