How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
