nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
