God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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