im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
