direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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