she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
