I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
