Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
