I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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