you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
