I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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