omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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