that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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