Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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