no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
