Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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