I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
