My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
