The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
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You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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