I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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