theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
