I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We had to coat check the pizza.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
