i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
