I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
