found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
