So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
high people should be assigned attendants
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
God, I missed his penis.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
