If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
