Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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