finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
