O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
