You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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