I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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