I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
