the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
