I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
