just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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