No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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