its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
