its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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