I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
