I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
even my farts smell like vagina
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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