I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
