Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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