I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
