Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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