Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
