Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she pinky promised me she was 18
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
