Apparently you make a good broom.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
