i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
