I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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