holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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