while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
