I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
