I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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