would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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